The incomplete training of doctors

I recently read a story in the NY Times describing the establishment of a Urology clinic at the Northwestern Medical Center (in Chicago) that addresses issues that gay men have after being treated for prostate cancer. 

The gist of the story behind the story is that most Urologists have neither any awareness of, nor interest in, the sexuality of their gay patients. Even worse, they don’t seem to think this lack of depth in their attention to the issues their patients face is a problem for them, no matter how much of a problem it may be for their gay patients. 

All of that made me aware that it’s probably true that most straight men (and perhaps plenty of straight women, too, for that matter) have no awareness of the details of what “men like that’s do sexually, beyond either oral or anal sex. 

That brought me to an understanding within my own sexuality which explains why most gay porn that I’ve seen leaves me dissatisfied.  The intercourse may be there, but the lovemaking is missing.

Not surprisingly, the Urologists never think about the way gay men use either their own or a lover’s semen as a sexual toy, whomever might be receiving it and wherever a lover may be putting it, way after orgasms are completed. Part of the joy of offering oral sex to a lover is seeing the joy in his eyes as he tastes that gift of his lover’s semen, both because he knows that he brought ecstasy to his lover but also because he got the reward he, himself, sought. It may be true that plenty of heterosexual couples may use sexually-aroused fluids as a sexual toy in the same ways, but plenty of couples probably don’t, either.

Of course, lovemaking between two gay men is completely different (and feels incomplete) if one of them no longer has the gland that manufactures seventy percent of his semen, including all the sugars in it. Not only hadn’t Urologists been willing to deal with the emotional aspects of how that impacts the man who had the orgasm (yes, men can have orgasms after they’ve been treated for prostate cancer, even if they no longer have an ejaculation), they didn’t see that his inability to share “that offering” with his lover was its own burden to him. Add those factors to the prior burden of just being told that you have cancer, and plenty of men can fold emotionally.

I have no idea whether Urologists deal with these aspects of the sexual activity of heterosexual patients, but they apparently haven’t been dealing with them with patients who are gay and are interested in being sexually active after treatment for prostate cancer. Worse still, they also haven’t seen the necessity of finding a network of psychotherapists to whom they could refer such patients so they could deal with those aspects of their lives after treatment. 

The implication that the straight men that gay men might consider friends might also have no awareness of the details of gay sexuality was another trigger of sadness within me.  That’s another barrier between gay men and their straight friends. How many degrees of isolation do gay men have?

Just sharings!